May,2008
Glimpse of life in real world.
April 2008, I had a chance to work as hotel's frontdesk.
I had never work routine for a long time, this is the second one in my entire life.
Needed money, of course, got bills to pay, life of one own to be responsible.
I took the job thinking, “Well… it shouldn't be too bad cause at least hotel business
is a service business and I'm in this planet to make people happy, am I?”
9 hours a day, 6 days a week. I have learned a lot from this experience.
Check in, check out and check bills are not hard to learn at all.
The job itself is quite easy and almost boring. Not much creativity requires.
One very important thing that I've learn from this job
is the way to live like majority of the world.
Learning about how people live and what is necessary to be able to keep their life move,
keep the world move forward.
I had never done anything to move the world, I stayed aside and cheering them.
Make me think a lot about how I lived my life in the past decade,
I have been very lucky that I had opportunities to do things that I love,
almost every job that I had been doing is something I welcome to life without a doubt,
I did things for pleasure, luckily sometime I get paid.
During the time that I worked on this job,
I missed my friends terribly, missed the conversations about cultures, histories,
movies that I could never have with hotel's colleagues in the same way,
missed the joy and laugh that we had all the time even on our working hours.
Something that could never happen under the circumstance
that people hate their job and each other.
I always respect people who do routine job because I think I could never do that.
A month in this hotel I prove to myself that I can.
Routine job is nothing to be scare of after all.
I respect these people even more once I come to understand
how many things they have to deal with,
how much pressure towards company policy and politics.
Encourage me even more to do something for their pleasure.
Lucky me I do have a choice and I choose to leave.
Life is too short to be suffered.
I better have a routine that I can design.
Family gonna be yelling at me again…
Success of many people could mean, good job that secure, good house that big,
good car that can be life's accessory, good numbers on bank account.
I don't have any of those.
In the way that my family perceives, I'm a failure
Without understanding any of my decision,
Family know that at least I'm a good person, harm nobody, deceive no one.
None of news involves drugs, gambling or anything that they consider immoral.
I think that's why they still put up with me no matter what.
What I really wanna tell them is “I may not walk in the road of society that you think it's a good one, I choose to walk on the road of my own consideration which may not look like the one you fantasize about, I can promise you just out of my own consideration the road I choose to walk will be a good one, and I will stay to be good person cause this is how you raise me up, so don't worry”
Just have to work harder on looking for freelance stuffs on my skills.
Work hard and might gain even more, life is risky one way or another.
I choose path of happiness and pride.
I have good news for life actually, which will be announcing when I'm ready.
Someone has opened a door for my dream career.
And I will do my best on this one.
Little Survivors
Thai boxing is a well known and popular sport.
Long before football or soccer culture arrive in this country,
many men will stay in front of TV waiting to see the match every weekend.
So many boxers in the past and present time that we (as Thai people) can be proud of, some of them turn themselves to be actors or even singers.
At November 2007 and February 2008,
I had a chance to work as “fixer” for 2 photographers.
This started from 2 famous photographers from
National Geographic held workshop in Bangkok .
So many photographers flew in from all around the world for this class
and some of them need local to help them get around and communicate with Thai people in order to get pictures they need for the workshop.
I was the local who help them get around,
work as interpreter in the same time, for this they call my position “fixer”.
Issue about kids boxing in Thailand ,
we went to the boxing camp in Klong Toey slum area.
Spend a lot of time there to get the good pictures of kids training in that camp.
During while the photographers did their job I had a good chance to talk with trainer and kids in the camp.
The camp was founded from personal passion of the trainer,
with the location under the highway in Klong Teoy slum.
The camp has help prevent kids in the area from drugs and other crimes.
Many kids came from other part of Thailand, got parents work in another part of Bangkok, kids stay in the camp, went to school near there
and visit their parents once a week.
Camp responsible for food, school fee, allowance,
and arrange boxing match for the kids.
Regarding to the trainer, all the money from the match went to the kid.
Camp will cut percent of income once the kid grow up enough to go on adult match and when one become champion they earn a lot of money.
Thing is… they are kids … boxing is somewhat violent kind of sport.
Is it appropriate?
I talked with kids, and ask what they wanna be when they grow up.
Almost all of them said “I wanna be champion boxer”
Cute…
I asked how are they doing in school, one of the boy can make very good grade in school, even he has to train his boxing skill every evening, he said adult boxer sometime help him with the homework.
Cute…
On the match... I went to couple of them with photographers.
I look at the boxing ring and think to myself, ah… that's look like stage.
All the boxer are here not only for victory, money but also entertain audiences.
Ah… many people think that see 2 person try to kill each other is entertaining.
Interesting… indeed.
It was crowded, as I said, boxing is a quite popular sport for this country.
Amazingly, there are all kind of people, women and men, kids, teen, adult, oldies.
A lot of money on betting goes round and round.
Our little fighters did their very best.
Everything that they has been trained for, show on this stage.
The art of real Thai boxing can be seen easier in kids match, I think.
To be able to survive, be accepted in the society,
this seem to be the way of living for these kids.
Training camp is not only a place to stay, but a place for building up a future career.
In my opinion, if no such camp exist, what these kids gonna do?
They have to find a way to help their parents make money and take care of themselves.
We can't choose a family to born but we can choose a person to be. I think.
As long as they keep training, and discipline with the camp rules,
I believe that they will grow up to be a good fighter and a good person.
What they are doing may not be completely legal.
May against some of children rights that accepted all over the world.
12 years old, with this age aren't they suppose to play and have fun?
On training process, I saw lots of smiles and laughs going among them.
Look fun to me…
These are children that parents are proud of.
These are children that one day the country will be proud of.
All little survivors, I salute you.
February, 2008
Love of the Land
I have been gone from the cyber world for a very long time.
Those who has me on their messenger list knew this well, I think.
I'm back with stories to tell.
Since it is February, I shall start with the topic about love.
Love of the land.
Last October, I spent 2 weeks down south of Thailand , in Narathiwat.
One of those 3 war zone provinces, (you might knew already)
Regarding from the last journal entry that I posted on July you may think.
“Oh… such an interesting way to commit suicide”
It is actually the opposite, obviously I still alive.
I found new and even better way to look life in such place.
I went to work on the annual province fair. Produced by the government.
It is the traditional cerebration, in the other hand it is the farewell party for the royal family
because there is a palace in Narathiwat,
traditionally it is the obligation of the King and Queen to visit this palace every rainy season.
Last year, the king was in the hospital but the fair go on anyway.
Let's me show you a bit of Narathiwat.
A small town with no cinemas, no department store with two 7-11.
Many shops and houses are permanently close.
Walking too early in the market would be too danger.
Not much of entertainment at all isn't it?
There is a story of a teenage boy who came to visit us at the site when we were setting stage and light.
He told my director that one evening he rides his bike with his girlfriend to the big bird statue in the middle of the town. The government turn on decoration lights on the statue this time the year.
So they decided to go take pictures.
Police came questioning them…
It is like that… a bit of happiness that you can fill to your little life can't go on without police investigating.
Is it scary tho? No… not at all, not for me at least…
Because every time I go somewhere I always see soldiers doing patrol.
Never feel safer than that.
As I once said, I vow to live my life on create happiness to people.
I left Bangkok thinking that if there are people who deserve to be happy,
people of those 3 provinces are extremely qualify.
Content of the performance combines with things from all over the country.
We made an enormous lighting kor-lere boat with pictures of the king and queen.
This boat made by people from Nakhonphanom.
We had the sky lantern from Chaing Mai.
We had light and sound team from Karnchanaburi.
And the performers are all locals.
This performance meant to send the message to the locals that we have never left you.
And we don't want you to leave your hometown because it will goes as terrorist's plan.
It doesn't matter weather you are Buddhist or Muslim because you are all Thai,
people of the great king and he always cares.
Well… I think many people does care, so do I.
Went to Narathiwat is something that I will never regret.
For my own benefit, I gain back my soul.
For 2 weeks, my life schedule goes like this.
6am - 7am : Get up, shower and have breakfast.
7am - 8am : Morning meeting about things to do today.
8am - 3pm : Go to school and do the show rehearsal with students and artist.
3pm - 5pm : Breath
5pm - 8pm : Go around town looking for props.
8pm - 10pm : Dinner , shower and breath.
10pm- 3am : Working on paper, for the government, for the team and make multimedia slide for the show.
And sleep… well… something like that.
It is crazy agenda but I have never been happier.
Simply because of love, that is all around.
Those kids, students who were my performers.
In their smile, I can see gratitude in those eyes.
Don't have to say a word but everyday I can feel the vibration of it.
Locals people in the market, sometime they asked “Aren't you scare?”
I smiled and reply “No… are you?”
The enormous kor-lere boat that we made.
Those who made are not labor work people.
They are all special people like head of the village, teacher, business man etc.
They are the team who won lighting boat competition in Nakhornphanom.
This journey to Narathiwat I guess it mean a lot for them too.
On their working field, I saw a cloth painted say “ ÊÒÂãÂàª×èÍÁ⧠¨Ò¡ÅÓ¹éÓ⢧ ÊÙèºÒ§¹ÃÒ ”
“Love from Khong river to Bang Nara” … when I saw that I cried.
We were more than welcome from locals.
Nothing really bad happened when I was there.
Actually nothing happened for quite sometime before I was there.
I just realize on the last day that there were a lot more reinforcement during the time we stay.
After the show, we went around town thanks everybody. By the time we finished it was 2pm.
And just before we left one of the soldier told the driver that we should pass Pattani before 3pm .
That was impossible … 4pm that evening the first bomb in months began.
And it still going until today.
Teachers lost some friends.
The kids still sometime sms me just to say “I miss you”
We hope indeed that situation will be better.
Am I going back again this year?
Well… what do you think?
Happy the month of love everyone.
Wednesday,July25,2007
Edge of 27 th : Beginning of 28 th
“To look life… at it face…
To see it… for what it is…
To love it … for what it is…
It is the right of every human begins.”
The Hours (2003)
Last 2 weeks of my 27 th years old,
I faced a terribly time, as I felt like I have failed on living life.
Jobs canceled, none of the signal warned,
none is my fault and nothing I can do about it.
As I did try my best, my very best
Some might say yet I haven't try hard enough,
with the ideal of my living, ways of trying to avoid world of capitalism.
Some even said, you have no way to avoid it, because you are living in it.
you have no choice but face and fight with it.
Is it something I have to learn?
Work for money because all us are living in a century
that money is another form of god.
Is that so? Learning all that, what would make me become?
You might wonder how have I been living for almost three decades
not knowing that money is important and it is one tool on living life.
I might have been lucky, I might have had a privilege life.
I made myself believe that I was born for making people happy,
So… any kind of jobs that I can see it will help me accomplish my ideal of living.
I accepted that, no matter how less it pay.
Sometime I spend on work more than what I've got from it.
And my spirit is fulfilled.
Am I sound crazy? Maybe I am.
When I was with my ex,
he gave me every baht of his salary then I gave him allowance.
Indeed, hard to find that kind of man in this century
Other girls might be delight, and interpret this as another way of showing love.
Honestly, I'm not excite with that at all.
For me it is throwing responsibility, I must be responsible for all expense and bills.
Because he already gave me everything.
So every time that he needed to spend on something, the money must be available.
Otherwise it will be my fault.
When my family asked him, when you guys will have enough saving to buy a house or throw a wedding party?
He said, “Ask her!”
Caring and afraid that my family will not love him, I spoke silently in my head.
“Yea, we will have enough saving if you are not drinking all the time,
not smoke pot regularly and stop playing golf”
2 years that I lived with him, I spend his money on upgrading computer once.
Buy maybe, 50 books, 30 movies and one sweater.
That's all.
However, with him I didn't have to work on anything that I don't feel like.
Never have to realize, that people work for money, it how the world is.
I am grateful on that.
Freely I fly, face the planet, didn't think it's gonna be difficult.
Minimalism, sufficient way I live.
I thought that I can do it, keep my spirit pure and live bohemian way.
What happened was, when my latest job was cancel and I lost my internet connection in exact same day.
I was terribly exhausted, as if I can't stand facing how thing works in life any longer.
At one point, I was going to kill myself.
I failed on living this life, no matter what I start with it ends up so much less.
I started to write letters to people around me, friends and family.
Telling all the things that happened are nobody faults.
It's just me, not strong enough for this world.
But… I changed my mind.
I did try to get my internet connection back and read messages that people sent to me.
Strangers, mostly.
Strangers who remind me that they are watching and hoping to see me in a better path.
Strangers who said thanks for made them think more about their life.
Strangers who I've took them back to times of life.
Strangers who told me that I deserve to live.
So it is, strangers saved my life.
Added some energy to my heart, keep me go on, breathing.
Situations still not change, and world still spinning, with this energy I live day by day.
Not seeing yet, where am I going or any miracle will happen.
So I don't know how long will it last.
If there is a choice between being part of capitalism or death.
I choose death.
Imagine, if I become that person, who work for anything that gain money.
What difference would I be?
How would I see the world from such angle?
Will I be able to cherish the beauty of tiny things in life again?
Will I be able to love myself as I wish I could?
Will my writing will change, and for people who read it, will it be such waste of time?
Guess I have put you too much stress already.
Here is the way I cerebrated my birthday.
It took me three days, tearing my apartment apart and put it back together again.
Clean everything, wash the freezer, re-arrange all cds and books.
Move the furniture and cover it with red velvet.
I finished and could light the candle on time.
I woke up, took shower and went out.
I was thinking, I should go America or Europe .
( steak or spaghetti )
Ticket price seem to be too high, so I decided I should go Japan .
Japan I arrived, had my Densai Miso Ramen.
It was good... :)
After dinner and 2 cigarettes I decided to go back to my second home.
Khaosarn Road. Many people I knew hate this road for their own reasons.
I love this road for many reasons, the location, it is close to the river, close to my university.
Close to many good memories I had.
The variety of it, foreigners and Thai. Their styles, costume of the people which doesn't look like
they all come from fashion magazines or uniform of some offices.
Craziness of human being, it is my pleasure to observe them.
And you think, I will get drunk.
Nope... I'm sure many who reading this know Khaosarn Road.
Know many clubs and bars.
This is where I go. :P
Hot coffee I had.
A friend stop by for giving me a present.
Thank you, many thanks.
Cause many of those whom I called best friends forgot my birthday.
Same with those I called family.
Is it matters? No, it's not.
Nothing in the world will make me mad.
Nobody could ever hurt me on my birthday.Not today.
And I smile... life... look and love it as the way it is.
Thank you for taking your time.
Monday,July9,2007
June updates.
It's been over a month that I haven't update anything on this website.
I have been extremely busy, is it sound like an excuse?
In the past 33days, I went out more often then I did in the whole 2006
That's a change, another consequence of being single and return of my freedom.
What was I busy with? Or pretend to be busy with?
As you can see, sell numbers of my handmade book is not increasing
and I can't just sit around living in dreams any longer,
otherwise I might be starving to death.
So I went to look for jobs.
Knowing myself well enough, it is almost impossible for me to work routine.
So I searched for as much freelance as possible with skill and potential that I have from years of experiences include connections with artists and press.
Eventually, I have two positions with one company.
As an interpreter and event planner (focused on wedding party plan)
Both as freelance, during while I waited for the company to find me customers
I went to teach “how to use computer” for a girl.
She paid for my hours on teaching, but the thing that happened is I spend longer than 24 hours sitting, listening and exchange stories of our life.
Consulting and giving opinion from my perspective, she did likewise.
On the edge of starving, a hand from friend helping me to get through.
I'm so grateful. Thank you very much.
Latest news from the ex. He started a new relationship now.
A girl from Japanese bar, 25 years old with a kid.
Almighty enough, he is no longer drinking.
When I first knew about this,
I spent day and night cried and wondering what was wrong with me,
what have I done?
After all devotion, I didn't have the power to make him stop drinking
and it was truly the only thing I ever asked for in our relationship.
Inferior I felt, (oh yea, what a feminine feeling it was)
out of stupidity I kept asking myself why? Silly questions ranning on my head.
Is it because she is more beautiful with bigger boobs?
- Maybe, never seen her but yea that could be the reason
Is it because she is a bar girl so she knows better how to please a guy?
- Another possibility, recorded in history one of your ex ran for a bar girl with drugs.
For god sake, she already have a kid, he doesn't mind?
- Love is blind.
So it is a possibility that he might love her more than he loved you?
- Oh my god, really?
I couldn't stop crying then, tears pouring like rain of Bangkok in this season.
Until a friend came by to give me alternative questions.
How long have you break up with him?
- Half a year.
It was your decision to end the relationship, isn't it?
You were the one who left him Jang.
-Right
Half a year is long enough for someone to get over and move on, don't you think?
He got over and moves on, that's what people do, or you still crying because you don't get over him yet?
- I don't know.
Do you want him back then?
- No.
So what the hell you crying for?
- Never occur to me that he might love someone more than he loved me,
or found someone better than me, look at me, am I worse than a bar girl?
Why she can make him stop drinking but I couldn't and you know that I did try in everyway for years.
And you feel like a looser? New experience right? You never loose?
- Rarely
It's the wrong way to look really,
first of all it's not a game so there is no winner or looser.
Second, is not about he loves her better,
people grow and learn, you said that all the time Jang,
he might not know before that drinking is his problem,
he might thought it's your problem that you couldn't accept him as who he is
but now he has a new relationship and she said the same thing you did.
It's just time for him to realize that it's his problem,
if he wanna go on with the relationship he has to choose now between alcohol and woman,
you should be glad that he eventually choose the woman right?
- Right
And look what he did for you when you were with him, look at the time when he was coming back to the country just to see you, to be with you, what you got from him then, is it less than what she got now?
- She got the only thing I wanted though.
And the rest of it are meaningless for you?
- (……..)
After my friend left, I laid down and think about the feeling of the day I left him and few days after that,
I felt free for the first time in years, certainly I was very happy and I still remain single for that reason.
My entire life, I ran from arms to arms,
never stay single longer than a month since I was 17.
As an orphan, (another excuse it seem) I needed to be loved.
Never really, learn to love myself until now.
Don't get bore yet please, still things to talk about in the past 33 days.
Death of a stranger.
I am a member of one website, many of you might found this website by followed the link from my profile.
I freaking shocked with the news on that site.
One very active member passed away.
As my imagination goes,
he was alone in his apartment, packing his suitcase,
get ready to catch the plane from Jakarta to see his girlfriend in Bangkok .
So exciting, as it is the time he been waiting for, back to the person that he loves,
to friends that he likes, to the city that he adores.
Flick the last cigarette and get up,
suddenly he feels like a giant hand grab his chest and shake, cruelty terrified,
before he could open his mouth beg for mercy he saw the light,
brighter than every light he has seen, he closed his eyes as he can't bare it.
Half minute later, he opened his eyes, there he saw his body lie on the floor.
he think to himself, “Damn, am I death? … I must be death to see myself from this angle isn't it? Oh… Jakarta , I hate this town, why can't wait till I get to Bangkok first?”
As time goes, bell boy came knock the door to help him with his suitcase, the door opened, the boy shocked with what he saw on the floor, he ran down to get some help, ambulance came to get the body to the nearest hospital.
The guy still sit on the bed watched the whole scene of chaos.
And he think “Too late…”
I do not know this man personally, never exchange e-mails or chat with him.
I do often read his journals, which appeared to be funny photoshop works he created.
And he seem to be a very nice and funny person.
Rest in peace Randy, vacanti373 of Thailandfriends.com
Still hope this journal entry is not too long for you to read.
Bangkok : Talk of the town, June 2007
A rich kid on Mercedez, slightly crash with a bus in the middle of the night.
He called out the bus driver to come down for a fight.
He throw a rock at bus driver's head, and went back on his Mercedez.
As the bus can't move and don't seem to be move within hour the passengers got down to the sidewalk.
Rich kid in his car, starring at the crowd, thinking he gotta do something with his bad mood. So he pull back his Mercedez for few meters, and ran straight to the sidewalk.
Those who were not hit, knocked at the car mirror, tell the kid to move his car as many of passengers are underneath the wheels.
Rich kid sit still, the car eventually moved with human energy.
One passenger die, many injured.
Police arrive, ambulance came, the kid went crazy, shaking and acted, as he is unconscious. Temporary insane, his father said the day after.
Not only that, bus driver has no right to fight my child cause he is uneducated.
The father said.
Class of society is not only in India , I tell you.
The kid will go to jail or not, we have to wait and see.
Another news I saw, one little girl was born in 07 07 2007,
Her mom couldn't make it to the hospital, so the little girl was born in the taxi number TY7777
What a beautiful coincident, and yea it's really happend in Bangkok.
Until then, please take care of your health my friends, it's rain a lot lately.
Wednesday,June6,2007
Or it's just another wound.
I had a magazine invited me to gave them an interview.
As time goes, I wait and wait to see its publish.
The interviewer sent me a draft to prove the story before it print.
I did prove and re-write some informations to make it correct.
Eventually the magazine is out on books stand.
Words are twisted awfully.
From the point where "She had quite an experiences, you can learn from her"
to "Most of decisions this woman made in life were wrong, don't ever do that"
I feel betrayed and I don't know what to say.
Interviewer is not to blame, it wasn't she that twisted words and cut off the text that sound positive out.
It was the editor.
Bad stories sell better and I was just another victim. Stupid me.
I do accept the fact that many decision I made in life turn out to be mistakes.
I have no regrets because I did learn a lot of things,
all those experiences made me become a person I am right now.
And I'm confident enough to say "I am a cool person"
I'm not a prettiest or most beautiful, not too smart but far from stupid,
maybe not nicest but I'm a kind with moral.
90% of my friends are gay and that's a task.
(you might wonder why does it has anything to do with that)
well. to be only girl among 10 or 15 gay guys and stay in that position,
I have to maintain myself to be somewhat a woman they want to be.
That is a real challenge.
Being in fame is harmful. Another lesson I just learned.
I dream to be a writer. I really want to be a good writer.
I really want my words to spread out to the world.
I must stay in the light to be seen and hope to be accepted.
Will this light burn me out to death?
Words of a death writer sell better, isn't it?
I am so overwhelmed.
photograph by: me
Sunday,May27,2007
Raining Sunday
Raining Sunday
It was late afternoon, as I'm trying to wake myself up (yeah I went to sleep at sunrise)
I heard my phone rings, it was one of my best friend,
he living in the same building with me at the difference floor.
"Jang. come out at the balcony!!! now!!"
As I'm not fully awake and I'm still in my pajamas so I yelled back
"Why!!!? It's raining!!! you just want me to get myself wet?"
"Just come out, will ya?"
I opened the door eventually, looked at the hallway to find the reason of his call.
"Look up at the sky" he said.
I saw cloudy sky as it's raining, and there I saw.
I ran back in the room to grab my camera and took the first picture.
Later on after we ordered pizza, I went back to the balcony again.
And there is another one, 2 huge rainbows in one evening.
Whoever or whatever creates this, I'm so thankful.
Amazing mighty thing, Nature
Rainbow is beautiful and harmless,
but being me I couldn't stop myself thinking of the earthquake
that happened up north 2 weeks ago.
Center of the earthquake was at Laos , but high building in Bangkok can feel the earth move.
Earthquake is one of the unpredictable disasters and it's so powerful.
That's make it real scary.
For me it's a reminding of how small we are.
A warning to human being that you should be humble sometime.
Nature also reminds us of our mood and personalities.
How the weather changes. how the sky color changes.
I must admit I'm on of those people who emotional twisted easily.
For example, I start writing this journal with a good feeling but now I feel like crying with no reason.
(Should I see the doctor?)
Thailand is waiting for important verdicts.
Two big political parties, will they go or stay, or if they stay, the question is how?
Which direction we will go after that?
Are we going for better or worse?
I think no matter where we are going, we better hurry.
Because it's break my heart watching Vietnam running and jumping ahead us.
I feel guilty consume imported vegetables from China or Australia because our own products are too expensive.
FTA is a great idea, has anybody who sign the contract asked Thai farmers how they gonna live with such competition?
The government might say "If Thai people can't afford to buy, export it then"
Well, the export business doing just fine as the baht keeping stronger and stronger Sir!
At some moment, it might be a good idea to take a step back.
If that step back we took is for a brighter future step forward.
Six months passed by, I see my country stand still.
That's kinda sad.
Oh. political. shouldn't start talk about it after all.
Hope anybody who visit this page enjoy the rainbows pic I took.
Wish you all have had a good weekend.
Tuesday,May8,2007
Election in France
"Nicolas Sarkozy elected president of France "
It's on the headline of every newspaper and every news channel.
I don't have to be relative of Nostradamus but Sarko's victory is so predictable.
Even tho, this make me kinda sad.
Look back. when Bush won and become the president for the second time after what he did in Iraq .
I was very mad with American people.
Why? I kept asking myself again and again.
And I thought of the video that Osama launched just a week before US election.
(Do you remember?)
I concluded that American people voted Bush out of fear.
Osama said. "To American people, it doesn't matter who will be your president, I will burn your house anyway"
At those time I thought Osama just gave his friend a favor. And the plan works well.
Out of fear, American voted Bush because they wanted the war to go on, they wanted security in their own country and Bush will do it better than his competitor will.
I THINK AGAIN!!!
No. conclusion can't be that easy.
It gotta be something more complicate, those American are not stupid.
I think American people know well what their president is doing.
They know that Saddam has no harm to them.
They know that what's going on in Iraq has nothing to do with democracy campaign.
It's all about OIL.
And that's mean money, let Bush take the oil so we can remain our wealth.
That's why they voted for Bush.
Eureka !!!!
Thaksin got elected for the second time too.
I can tell many reasons why he got elected again
but that's not gonna finish in one journal.
Power of capitalism, religion of money, make it fast, bring it more.
That's the way people live these day.
Back to Sarkozy, his policy is liberalized economy of France .
One of his campaign said if you work over time you don't have to pay tax for the money you get paid from over time job.
Sound good isn't it?
Is it that important to be a wealthy country?
Even me. I'd say yes when I think about getting a visa to go somewhere.
All the conditions that set by capitalism make it so hard.
Other than that, I can say it's not that important, the priority is not that high.
I don't think many people will agree on this.
Because I see the return of Bush, the glory of Thaksin and Victory of Sarkozy.
The sufficient campaign that our government (for now) keep advertise on TV.
It sound very beautiful, will be very good if someone can live sufficiently.
The question is. how many people can really do that?
Au-revoir
Tuesday,May1,2007
Freedom of speech
Last night I watched a documentary on Nation Geographic channel.
It was about Taiwan nowadays.
Freedom of expression arts, a famous choreographer even said if he goes stage nude,
it won't be mentioned on the newspaper or anything.
Artists are free to express themselves and pull their best to present the works. If you wanna be notice you gotta be really good on what you do.
Documentary also talked about renaissance of tea ceremony and pride of Chinese cultures.
Make me think a lot about Thailand .
Regarding the news on past few weeks, one of a Thai movie can't pass censorship
and the censor department refuse to returning the originally film to the director
even though he agreed not to show this movie in his mother's land.
Also, make me think of some actors and actress who want to have a quick headline on the front page
by wearing too sexy cloths or doing something that considered to be inappropriate for Thai culture.
Tragically, they actually succeeded.
And the government blocked Youtube.
As we know that people from somewhere far from us uploaded something that break every Thai hearts
and even against Thai law.
I have nothing against this action. (Besides, I'm not a big fan of Youtube)
But I was shocked when I hear minister of ICT department told the press
that he doesn't care about what people say in forums on the net,
he never read it and he barely use e-mail. (Ouch. I was shock and speechless)
What is Thai culture anyway?
I'm in the era that Thai people will wear Thai traditional cloths
only in the morning of their wedding day,
those who wear everyday are hotel's reception or waitresses.
People in my generation speak English words in every phrase.
Tickets of Korean pop star concert sold out in a very short time
while the traditional Thai dance at national theatre is as quiet as a house of anti-social person.
Ok.leave the culture for now. too much to say at once.
What I try to say is after I watched that show I'm envy of Taiwanese,
envy of every country that people are free to say or present who they are and what they think.
This kind of envy is not from basic human nature,
which doesn't seem to satisfy with anything they already have.
I do love my country very much indeed.
Thailand is the country of compromising, but complete freedom of speech can't exist.
ertainly we still have a long way to go to reach that point.
Sunday,April 22, 2007
Songkran festival.
Returning to my hometown and found myself among big (adopted) family again.
Seem like this year is not a very good year for some family members.
I shall not go for details as I don't really wanna expose life of others.
In the last 2 years I always came back to celebrate the family festival with my ex.
The relationship was so serious and my family welcomes him as one of family members.
Now I come without him.
Painfully when I heard them say,
"We miss him"
"It could have been more fun to have him around"
Nieces and nephews missed him for play water.
Brother in law missed a drinking company.
An entertainer of the festival he was, for everyone.
Well. the relationship is over and I'm still in the honeymoon period with my liberty.
I never felt lonely when I'm alone in my tiny apartment in Bangkok .
Strange, I feel lonelier when I'm among crowd. (even tho this crowd is my family)
I saw myself as a stranger in the house that, I grew up in.
Another price to pay for my own decision I guess.
As I mentioned above, some family members are fighting with hard situation in life.
Glad I was there to dry tears and console them.
What good about family is, it doesn't matter what you did is right or wrong,
doesn't matter either they understand the way you think or not,
doesn't matter either they agree with your decision or not,
love of the family is always be there, caring, sharing good things in life,
consoling each other and seem like everything is forgivable.
Here we celebrate the New year, filled up energy then separate to the track of each one.
I filled up. (mostly my stomach because I never stop eating when I was home)
Let me tell you about the tradition of Songkarn in my hometown a little bit.
Teenagers and kids start to play water since 10 th of April.
13 th April - We clean the house, cut nails, wash hair, get all the bad things from last year out of our life and leave it behind.
14 th April - We prepare food and dessert (lots of it, this take all day) for go to the temple, we wrote down our names and ancestors names for the monks so we expected that our ancestors will get the food that we made for them.
15th April - We go to the temple in the morning, and we go visits all the old relatives that we have, giving gifts and they will pray for us in return.
16 th April - Another full day of playing water.
17 th April - Last day of Songkarn, the city held Songkarn parade and Miss Songkarn competition.
Happy Thai New Year Everyone.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Dare Dreaming
Everybody has a dream, mine is very simple.
I dream to be someone who can live by doing things
that will not cause any wound on my spirit.
Means living by doing something that I like and feel that I was born for doing it.
I did theatre, event and magazine.
All for one purpose is to create beautiful thoughts and happiness to people.
Another thing that I always wanted to do is writing.
Choose living as a writer need a lot of courage.
From opinion of the majority on this planet being a writer is living in a thin line,
you can be famous and rich or you will be starving to death.
So. I am making my own book, compose everything by hands; start from choosing and cutting all the papers, sewing cloth for the cover, write it by hand and I will sell it myself on my own website.
I will not try to make a business (avoiding effect of capitalism is something I always do)
I will sell books in limited edition, if I can make it sold out soon enough I will not fall in to the side of starving to death of the writer thin line.
I can still be happy and not wounded spiritually.
Some people might laugh with my idea.
However, this is the way I choose because I believe that not so many people in this world are happy on what they do, they explained it as obligation and responsibilities to earn things (that they do not need).
Those who happy on what they do are rare and lucky.
I just want to be one of them.
If only I can sell my all books on my limited edition, I will be able to live my dream.
I do not need much in life and having a great fortune is not one of my dreams.
I need my words to be seen, if it possible this 50 copies limited edition should be sending to every continents of the world. (That is why I am writing it in English)
Dreaming I dare.
This is how my day goes.
Not bad isn't it.
Day can be pretty if you can appreciate little things in life.
Once again I can actually see the beauty of living.
Energy and clear mind are great.
Liberty is even better.
Girls take care of themselves. to satisfy men.without realizing it.
I was one of them.
I feel great today, I clean my room not because someone come visit.
I cooked and quite enjoy eating alone.
I purified my body not in order to get myself ready to get laid :)
I created romantic scent just because I love it that way.
I wish I could love myself like this everyday.
Maybe this is a good start.
Maybe this is a perfect circumstance.
This is my life. I love it today.
On the last weekend I spend sometime out.
I went to Hindu temple, worship the god of arts.
I pray for strength physically and mentally,
ability and chances to bring pleasure to mankind.
Quite a short pray there. with only one god too.
So I spend another 30mins wait for my friend who prays with every gods and goddesses in that temple.
Observing the scenes. so many people come with hope and faith.
I can see it in those eyes.
Is that what religion for?
I'm non-religion but still I go everywhere the wind blows me.
And then . I went to the park. a small park by the river.
Near Khosarn Rd. (again!)
Small area but many activities going on there.
Big art student group came to draw.
Many couples came for picnic.
Few street performers came juggling.
Bunch of people in local area came for aerobic.
Teenagers and kids gathering for practice B-Boy dance.
I took my shoes off to feel the dirt beneath me.
Breathe in the energy of what's going on around.
Fulfill myself.
Now I sound like a dreamer again.
But it was a good feeling there. sitting in the park.
Not difficult thing to do. alone.
Sunday. I went to see a ballet show.
Had no idea what's it about before I get there actually,
anyway it's complimentary ticket for press I've got.
Turn out to be "Junior Ballet Concert"
yes. lots of kids and house packed with parents.
Trying to be positive about it, good thing of watching amateur performers is
You can see that they put so many efforts on what they do.
Feel the energy of youths there.
I am not one of those people who keep the world moving.
(Don't wanna be one)
I'm here to observe, perceive and share the beauty I've seen.
Hope you will understand what I'm talking about.
